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Monthly Archives: March 2008

pickup game

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This weekend I went to see Eliot Morris with a few of my friends (including The Conservative) at the Workplay theatre. The show ended up consisting of Eliot plus three other guys, and the show was aptly named “Guys With Guitars.” I was really impressed with everyone, and it was a great show.

But that is not the reason for this blog.

Before we headed to Workplay, we decided to get some dinner at the local Italian eatery. My friend Craig and I ordered and then headed out to the patio to find a seat. We were just talking, and I heard some at the table closest to us say something about “the girl with the camera.” Well, I had just taken a picture of Craig and me, so naturally I assumed they were talking about me. This bothered me a bit, but I brushed it off.

Soon after, our other two friends (one of which was The Conservative) arrived at the table. While waiting for our food, one of the guys at aforementioned table approached us, asking to borrow our Parmesan cheese, of which we had none. He returned to his seat. Not but a few minutes later, he came back, and this time he sat down.

“Here’s the deal,” he said, looking directly at me. “My girlfriend, the one over there in the pink shirt (she had gone inside for the moment)? She thinks you are absolutely gorgeous.”

I paused, look around. “Me?” I asked, incredulously.

“Yeah,” he said. “And it would really just mean a lot if you would go over there and introduce yourself to her.”

WTF????

This is the strangest thing that has ever happened to me. “How do I know you’re not setting me up?” I asked. “How do I know I’m not going to go over there, introduce myself, and everyone be all ‘who the hell are you?’”

He persisted saying he wasn’t trying to set me up, and then my friend Jenny asked him why he wanted me to do it. He said that his other friends didn’t think he would go over there and ask me, so I guess they just dared him to.

Then he looked at Craig and said, “Now, I know you’re with this guy here, I mean you’re obviously together.” Craig and I looked at each other and I quickly explained that no, we were not “together.”

At this point, said girlfriend had made her way to the patio and came over to our table. “Hello,” I said.

Slightly if not very intoxicated, she said “Heeyyyyyy!!!!! I thinkyour’rereallypretty (those words were a little slurred)…can I have a hug?”

A hug?

“Um, sure,” I stammered, still taken a bit aback by the whole situation. “What’s your name?” I asked.

“Alex,” she breathed.

“Oh, is that short for anything?”

“Alexis…what’s your name?”

“Summer.”

“Oh…is that short for anything?”

I just looked at her. “Summer….Hunt?”

This exchange went on for a bit, and it concluded with them asking where we were going that night. We told them, and when we left they waved their goodbyes, saying maybe they would see us there.

We did not see them.

Also…my friend that went with us told me that The Conservative said that we are dating.

I feel better.

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seriously, cosmo?

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Sometimes I get a little bored, and my mind tends to wander while I’m on the internet. I hardly ever peruse magazine Web sites online, but somehow I came across Cosmo.com. This one article’s teaser caught my eye, and I felt so compelled to laugh out loud. I feel as if I must share this with you.

The article was “Sex Tips From Guys,” and here are a few of the sparkling gems I chose to disclose to you, my friends. My comments are below:

“The night after I got a big promotion, my girl announced that was going to give me only oral sex—all night.” Kenneth, 32
Oh really, Kenneth? My only hope is that you rewarded her with a huge tube of Chap-It and some Ibuprofen.

“My fiance will lean back on the bed and use her fingers to spread herself wide. It’s as if she’s inviting me to explore her body.” Art, 29
Maybe she just had an itch.

“Wet your lips and moan that you can’t to taste me.” Sam, 22
You have got to be freaking kidding me. Sam,22 has seen way too many porn movies.

“An ex once came to bed in a soaking wet t-shirt. The sight was jaw dropping.” Nick, 30
Not too mention unpractical and unhealthy. She could have caught her death of cold.

“News flash: Guys have nipples too.” Rory, 21
WTF??? Are you serious? Guys have nipples too?

“Wear silk gloves to bed and rub them against sensitive regions, like my treasure trail.” Louis, 24
Oh yes, let me get out one of my many, many pairs of silk gloves. And treasure trail? Really?

“My girlfriend pretend not to want to kiss me. I had to pry her mouth open passionately with my tongue.” Ron, 25
Maybe she wasn’t pretending, Ron. That’s not foreplay; it’s date rape.

“Do what my first girl did: Moan my name while I pressure you.” Eddie, 28
Must we dwell on the past, Eddie? “Eddie…oh, Eddie…Eddie…” That does sound like mystical music.

“Right before I climax, spread your legs wide. It allows me plunge really deeply as I explode with pleasure.” Meyer, 26
‘Explode with pleasure’? Really? Who wrote this, Meyer, 26 or Fabio?

“While we were going at it from behind, this woman I was with let out a guttral scream. I’d sure like to hear that again.” Nick, 28
Why don’t you try punching her in the face?

“Brush your teeth with some minty toothpaste before going down on me. It’ll feel extra shivery.” Patrick, 24
Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of brushing your teeth?

“My old girlfriend would have me pull out so she could rub my shaft against her external wetness.” Spence, 22
‘External wetness’? That sounds like a phrase you’d use after the one, “i peed my pants.”

“One night, my girlfriend stopped the action and pointed to a camera she had set up in the corner.” Justin, 21
That sounds like an episode of Law & Order waiting to happen.

adventures in moving

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So as some or most of you may know, I’ve recently moved from my home at Mountain Woods (Hoods) apartments to another apartment closer to the downtown area. Though I love where the place is at, and there are many pluses that won me over in the end, it has been no easy feat.
We started packing up and moving my stuff last Saturday at about 7 in the morning. We didn’t finish until 7 at night. I’m serious. It was ridiculous. I don’t know how in the world I managed to accumulate so much crap! There were boxes upon boxes of things. And then there was the furniture. I have to give it to my dad, though. He kept his cool the whole day. I think it also helped that my bro-in-law and Craig came to help. He wouldn’t dare show out in front of them.

Unfortunately, I had no utilities until Monday, and I was forced to drive home to Gadsden Saturday night. I soon realized that in our haste to pack everything, important stuff was stowed away. My shoes being one thing. Mother and I had one pair between us, and I ended up winning the right to wear them. My purse was also gone, along with my debit card and license. And sadly, I packed up all my clothes leaving me nothing to wear to work on Monday. I was forced to go buy a new pair of pants (it was torture) and search for things in my car (I found a sweater).
On Monday, I was called by the water people so that I could meet them out there to turn on the water. I waited around for an hour to no avail. When I finally called, asking where this waterman was, they told me that it was simply a courtesy call and I would have to turn my water on myself. Myself! I arrived home in a huff, determined to have water.

I took the wrench my father lent me down to the meter and ran across a streak of good luck. My neighbor (Paul of A7, as I have come to know him now) was outside, and he was so kind to turn my water on for me. However, I still had no heat.

Tuesday, the kind man from Alagasco came for to turn on my gas. We managed to get me hot water and a gas stove. When he went outside to light the pilot light, though, he was startled to discover that my furnace was rather old. He told he probably light it, but he really wanted me to have heat. He lit it, and when he turned on the heat, it made a really loud noise. He stepped out on the back porch area to take a look, and right at that moment, a giant fireball escaped out the back and blew the chamber door off (not that I really know what that means). He freaked out and told me that he had to tag it; it had to go. I called my landlord, and she was all, “we’ll send someone to have a look.” Gas man got on the phone and was all, “Nuh-uh, it’s gotta go now.”

That night, a kind old Hispanic gentleman brought me a space heater, “por la noche,” which I gratefully accepted. Wednesday they repaired the damage, but I still feel as if I could be in some sort of danger.

Aside from all this, there are so many things to be done. I have seven different windows that need blinds and a window in the shower of my bathroom. There’s paint over everything. On the floors, on the plug outlets, on the doors…and there are very few electrical outlets as it is. I’m missing light fixtures. My fridge is a little off-kilter in that it rocks back and forth. I haven’t unpacked everything. I need rugs. Sigh. It’s exciting, because it’s my first place of my own that I’ve not shared with a roommate, but it’s overwhelming.

On the bright side, I really like my job. I miss SL, but I know that I wouldn’t have been able to find a job there. Here I’m getting to try a lot of different things, and I’ve got the ever-elusive insurance. Wonderful.