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sh*t my spin instructor says

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So I’ve gotten to where I actually like spin class, and I’ve been trying to go at least once a week, if not multiple times. I like most of the teachers, with the exception of one who shall remain nameless. She’s just not motivating, and she talks way too much during class.

She’ll say things like, “You should be dying to stand up. You should really, really want to, but I’m not going to let you!” Or “Your quads should be burning right now…like, really on fire!” I mean, yes, my muscles are burning, but usually with other teachers I’m so into it that I’m not focusing on the pain. Another thing: She uses the same playlist. Every time. Even if the music is bad in a spin class, as long as it’s not the same damn thing every time, it’s not so bad.

There’s another instructor who isn’t necessarily a favorite but is still…entertaining. He plays a mish-mash of music and says the strangest things during class. For example, one class had a Michael McDonald-heavy playlist followed by two gospel songs at the very end, followed by some elevator music that sounded curiously like “The Girl from Ipanema.” Other times he’ll play R&B/pop hits from the 80s/early 90s. I feel like I’m riding a bike while watching Splash or Mannequin.

And as for the things he says…it’s always interesting to see what’s going to come out of his mouth (TWSS). Here are some of my favorites:

“Are you wet? Mmm-hmm, I know I am; I want you wet!” (during a particularly sweaty spin session)

“Oh, you know I have to get you all wet and then take you to the bedroom!” (while playing a sexy slow jam as we stretch post-class)

“This is the kinda music you play down in your basement, when you’re with someone special and you’ve got the red light bulb on.” (more slow jams)

“I’m so excited! Are you? You know I’m wearing these bike shorts so I really can’t hide it when I’m excited!” (singing along with the Pointer Sisters during jumps)

“During this next track, you’re really going to be sucking it down.” (referring to “sucking in wind” during sprints)

And another favorite from Body Pump:

“Squeeze those buns! If you don’t, no one else will!”

“Work those glutes! Do you want jelly or do you want jam?!?”

Needless to say, the class is actually pretty fun/funny and goes by fairly quickly. It’s almost worth it to go just to wait for the ridiculousness to come spilling out.

Does anyone else have any exercise instructors who are as, um, entertaining?


I could hang out under there…

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…haha, I just made you say underwear!

But seriously. Let’s talk.

(Warning: If you don’t want to talk/hear about those things you wear under your clothes, cut loose now.)

Last night, I did something I have never done before. I mean, it’s not that it couldn’t be done, it’s just that I wasn’t sure I was strong enough. I just didn’t know if I could…go that long.

I went to two back-to-back classes at the YMCA: Spin and Body Pump.

And at the risk of saying something that it’s what I like to call Too Much Information…I want to talk about underwear.

I learned the hard way that lacy panties are NOT the way to go during a spin class. I felt like they were fused to my skin. That’s what I get for going straight from work to the gym. I tried to plan ahead, finding my comfiest underthings. Which worked out like a dream…until I went to Body Pump and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

It was the dreaded…VPL.

I’m talking Visible Panty Lines, y’all.

Now, I’m sure that people at the gym have much better things to focus on that how my ass looks in my Old Navy stretch pants, but I still felt a little awkward. Especially during the squats.

So here are my questions for you: What’s your plan of attach when it comes to unmentionables at the gym? And do you think VPLs are as distracting as I feel like they are? (PS I suggest you also check out Eunice’s sexy underwear test-drive. I may try and check out some of her suggestions, though the only line-free pair she tested were thongs, and…well, that ain’t happening.)