Well, I’m slowly but surely getting more settled into my new apartment. At times I feel like it’ll be just like that last place: never unpacked, never finished, never home. But I really want it to be different. I spent about 3 or 4 hours yesterday after work trying to get some stuff done. I organized the bathroom, put away clothes, hung up my sheers in my bedroom…definitely made some headway.
I’ve developed this unwanted feeling over the years, however, that always settles in whenever I move. I think: Don’t get too comfortable; you won’t be here forever. I know I won’t be here forever, but who’s to say I won’t be here for a few years, at least? I mean, I like Birmingham. A lot. I think that while I was in college, that was a definite thing—I knew where I would be and what I’d be doing for about 4-5 years. And I’ve never renewed a lease on an apartment because something always happens and I have to move anyway, which is why I think I always feel so temporary.
I’m really trying to work on myself this year and my whole outlook. I always seem to get so overwhelmed by things because I either try to take on too many things at once, or I have so much in my head that I get bogged down thinking about all the things I’ll never be able to do or flat-out won’t do. I forget so many things, too…I need to focus more on the right here and right now and not think too far ahead and enjoy what’s going on currently.
For example…I keep thinking about fixing my apartment. Then I think about how I want things on the walls. Then I think about putting pictures up. Then I start thinking about all the pictures I want to print out and frame. Then I think “I’d better get those together.” Then I tell myself to keep reminding myself to do it, but then I say, “No, there are so many other more important things.” Then I see something I want somewhere, and I think I don’t have any money to waste on those things; maybe another day. Then I go in someone else’s nice apartment and think that my place will never look as good as theirs, so why bother…it’s enough to give someone a really big headache.
There are always just so, so many thoughts racing around in my head. Lately I’ve been just trying to narrow it down to the most important ones. Set things out in tasks, and then just complete them as I can, in an orderly fashion. I worry a lot about work, too…I know what’s going on with the economy and the world (somewhat), but—sad as it sounds—I’m trying not to think about it. I want to feel protected in my little Summer bubble, and not think about it because I know if I do, I’ll get really depressed and won’t be able to think about anything else.